Rage

A friend visited me and right from the beginning I sensed his anger. ‘What happened?’ I asked him. At first . . he was a bit reluctant to tell but then he blurted out:’I am so angry! I am full of rage, I even could smash the chair on the floor!’ I moved backwards in a somewhat discrete way.

I asked him again what happened. He said, he didn’t know and exactly that would be the worst thing of all in all his mess. I said that he surely must know something about his situation. He said that he was projecting his rage against anybody he had come across in the last days, even extending it to people of the past. Everybody could be his target right now, he said. I know, I said, I can feel it. It’s
palpable.

Sorry, he said, but that he couldn’t handle it. Then he said something surprising. ‘But it also has its good side. ‘How that?’ My careful compassion turned into interest. He said he found out that rage is a powerful energy and if he could convert it into creative energy it would be even satisfying in a double sense: first he could transform the rage and second he could recycle it and put it to good use.

Well, I said, maybe rage is anyway just blocked love. I didn’t know why I said it, but he jumped at it. That is what he had thought also he said. It is kind of an exploding frustration and behind the frustration is something he passionately loves.

Frustration about what, I asked.

He thought for a while, calming down in the process.

Something is not going my way. I mean, that happens all the time. But when I get enraged, I simply can’t take it any longer. At least I think I can’t. ‘And why should you?’ I asked ‘ Well, I don’t want to hurt anybody, do I?’ I agreed that this would probably the better option.

Then I asked him: ‘So what is the solution? What are your options?’

‘Of course I thought about it, too’, he said. ‘I think you have to treat the whole thing on the high level of energy it occurs. Any surpression will be destructive sooner or later. I am experimenting with questions right now’, he continued. ‘But they have to be good questions, right to the core. So you might have to improve them on the way’.

‘So basically rage comes from having a concept that should manifest in exactly the way we want it to, except it doesn’t?’ I asked. If you want to put it that way, could be’, he mumbled while brooding over his delicate state.

‘And we believe that this is the only way to handle that particular issue . . ‘

‘Well’, he got exited again,’I had this deadline for a big project in Sri Lanka, and it didn’t seem to move forward, and my partners over there don’t seem to understand my concerns at all. Then, at home, Cindy suddenly began to date this guy from her school. I mean she is just sixteen, and during all this turmoil my wife was not concerned at all!’

‘And you thought all these issues should be solved differently?’, I asked him.

‘Yes, of course, those people in Sri Lanka could speed up a lot, Cindy is too young for a relation of that kind and my wife should definitely be more concerned!’

‘So what if, just if, your colleagues in Sri Lanka have a different way of doing things and you would try to just listen? And what if, I mean, just in case that you could accept the fact that Cindy – unlike you -feels she is living in the 21st century and dating with sixteen is nothing special nowadays and she would love it to present her friend to you? And what if your wife doesn’t consider it very helpful to
join you in your hysteria? And would there be other ways of handling those issues? And what if all this could be talked  about with mutual understanding being a solid option?’

He looked at me speechless. Then he said, in a suspicious tone:’Oh, Mr. Wiseguy, you are obviously never angry, right?’ ‘Of course I am!’

‘And what are you gonna do about it, huh?’

‘Well, I hope I have a good friend who then asks me good questions . . .’

Smiles. ‘And I hope I can give up my need for control and open up to and trust in multiple solutions!’

‘So be it!’ he said.

 

 

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